Posted in Uncategorized | Tags: anwar, javeda zindagi
The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.
A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 2,900 times in 2010. That’s about 7 full 747s.
In 2010, there were 10 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 37 posts. There were 12 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 267kb. That’s about a picture per month.
The busiest day of the year was February 20th with 85 views. The most popular post that day was FAQs!.
The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, salmanlatif.wordpress.com, saadnoor.wordpress.com, twitter.com, and almohandis.wordpress.com.
Some visitors came searching, mostly for blackdexter, blackdexter’s blog, sad girl crying, ramadan, and pisces qualities.
These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.
FAQs! February 2010
14 comments
Leisure Times. =) February 2010
22 comments
About Blackdexter May 2009
26 comments
Pisces-both pictures describe me! February 2010
14 comments
Dexter –> Bubble! February 2010
18 comments
Posted in Uncategorized
I lay in this gloomy darkness here, motionless. My body aching with excruciating pain, senses numb and mind restless, all create intolerable noises, all make me feel so uncomfortable. THIS life is way too difficult than the past 60 years I’ve spent cheerfully with my beloved friends and family. One deadly accident did it all. I used to be so strong and active, my mind was full of dreams, desires, wishes… I accomplished few and waited for the rest to be completed for I always knew I had enough time then. My weak brain can hardly count the unaccomplished, the unattained ones. It can do nothing, as now the reality doesn’t give me any room for the desires to fit. They say “where there is a will, there is a way”, I don’t understand why just now is the moment, when I’m feeling the strongest urge to fulfill my desires which irritate my mind like a needle piercing it from allover, but there is no way.
I’m now a claustrophobic, as my life lays surrounded by dozens of machines. No one among my friends and family seem to notice when I go off to sleep. Even my mind and debilitating body can’t differentiate whether I’m half asleep or fully awake. In my state of transition, the canvas of my brain spreads its wings and the memories’ projector starts it work. The images are vague, blurred and deceptively agile at the same time.
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,
How I Wonder What You Are…
‘My first day at school when my class was rehearsing the poem, they all were stopped by my teacher mid-way through the rehearsal to introduce me to the whole class. How can I ever forget the sight when I entered, 15 pairs of eyes followed me from the door to my allotted desk. It was my first ever experience of the outside world and the people, forming civilized society. I could hear the low whispering of laughs of my fellow students. I can still recall the memory when my eyes were num-wet of the resistance I had presented to my mother and father , I can still hear my mother’s honey smooth voice as it echoed in my ears urging me to be brave and get to the class room confidently where I would make friends with lots of people. I can picture the tears in my mother’s eyes when my name was called in the list of top students.
Almighty has taken them both away from me and all I could do was to lay in bed for days and nights, crying… crying for help, for some soothing voice to comfort me. Today I miss all my departed old friends; they can’t come to see me, not because they don’t want to, but because they can’t. They won’t come back now. No one talks to me, no one tells me how much time I am left with. I can literally feel time is short and is running away.
I remember my academic results, reports, teachers and my beloved friends. I’ve spent the best time of my life with friends for they were always there to give courage and support.
“Give that to me….. give me that… you….. don’t you open it… no… DON’T……”
‘I remember the time when my friend was teasing me, tossing around the letter from the bank where I had applied, he opened the letter. Very faint movement of his lips gave me a hint which then converted to a wide smile, and he told, “Congrats buddy, you’ve got it, the job is all yours!”’
I knew it was just a brick of foundation towards the construction of big empire of my dreams. And I literally had all the intentions of reaching the top.
And then it was the day which changed my life forever, when I first met my lady. She inspired me, taught me more about life and made me feel alive in real. And within no time it came the moment I wish I never had lived up to… I can never forget words of the doctor…
“Sorry Sir, but we couldn’t save her….” And the words faded away.
The projector of my memories starts to flicker now, showing the clips of my past- even those memories are eroded which I had always tried to forget. As now the film reaches its end, the clips have started to become hazy and unclear, with longer intervals of darkness, of discomfort, of despair…
I am in pain now, but I can’t groan. I open my eyes as the long rays of tinted sun slicing through the darkness like rays of heaven fall into my room, onto my face. I can’t move an inch nor can my eyes blink. I can’t see but I can feel my family’s presence in my room.
I’m satisfied. I enjoyed my life, I suffered, I achieved, I lost… it should come to an end now.
I don’t want to fall into a dark tunnel again and lie here for eternity, to perish, to be forgotten even in their presence as if I never existed in this world. I want to find a shiny opening, by the end of this tunnel, to the eternal world. I want to finish with it and feel the vacuum of emptiness and hollowness. That would also be a part of me. I want to know what would it be like, to lose my self… Now is the time of possessing no individuality, no hope, no desire. My existence is no more in the shackles of time, in the mob of bones and mud, and nothingness…
——-X——
I’m feeling free now. I can sense, touch, hear, see… I hear the sound of crying… Muted racking sobs escape from the gathering. I don’t understand why such an outpouring of grief? I look around to ask someone, no one pays attention, no one acknowledges my touch… I scream to make myself heard, but my shouts fall on deaf ears. This is a difficult sensation. This has never happened before. I look at my surroundings again and again, my eyes and senses numb, unable to absorb the spectacle that confronts me. I stare into a face, similar to mine. A face that was my communion, a face that gave me strength and resolve my darkest fears, a face that confronted me everyday when I looked myself into the mirror. Can it be that I am dead now? Dead on my way to eternal slumber?
They’re crying for I am dead. Nooo, I still feel alive. I am more alive than I was before. I won’t believe their lies. No one reaches out to lend me a helping hand, fear, emptiness and despair start to take over. Slowly I sink into the maze of torment… and I’m ready to accept my fate…
Posted in Emotions, My Imaginations
Posted in Uncategorized
Colors are associated deeply with one’s life- in my theory. In life’s pattern, these rays of light of different wavelengths are classified into different categories; and each of them is assigned to Friends, Family, Places, Memories, Joys, Sorrows, Past-history, Future, Current moments, Pain; depending upon its similarity in temperament. Colors are of vital importance. Their absence in your face will make you look pale. Others will never consider you a happy-go-lucky or even merely contented, no matter how much you pretend. Consider a room with cemented walls and no colored item placed inside, won’t you feel miserable or reluctant going inside? Living with a friend who has no colors in her/his life is even depressing. On the contrary, think of colorful places, happy faces, joyful memories and bright stages- do all these not add colors to your life and make you cheerful? It’s just another easy matter of empathizing and applying your normal meditation in order to consider its significance. How I relate colors with above mentioned categories is quite an intricate task for you people to comprehend. I’ll still give it a try!.
RED- for Love, Passion and Danger.
Red signifies intensity; its brightness shows liveliness and strength. It’s a warm hue which is often associated with emotions and is a color of Love. I bet you all love red flowers and brides painted in red. Besides, this red color warns for risks and dangers as well. This shade sometimes adds horror to your senses, for the fact that the color of Blood… is also red!
YELLOW- for Hope and Happiness.
Yellow- signifying the welcoming warmth of sun and the joy of swinging daffodils is a color of hope and happiness. Hope makes the world go round and happiness brings pleasures and contentment.
GREEN- for Fertility, environment and Abundance.
Green is associated with environment and ecological values, carrying the positive and powerful energies of life and nature. It refreshes and creates prosperity all around you. But when it comes to me, I lock the things I don’t want to remember so keenly- into green because its absence doesn’t matter much to me.
WHITE- Purity and Cleanliness.
White is the color of peace, it represents peace and a sense of fresh beginnings. Sometimes you like to start things from the scratch so that you can constitute them the way you like, instead of continuing them from the middle of near the end. You would never like to continue a story initiated by someone else. White is present in nature in the form of floating clouds and snow peaked mountains. It emanates perfection, innocence and simplicity. I love clouds for their white color and soft look, looking at them cleans my mind from anger.
ORANGE – for Energy and Endurance.
Orange is the color of autumn, fire and sun set. It depicts changes in season, in setting the sun, transforming leaves of the fall and breaking dawn. This dull, but bright color represents survival that humankind, over the course of history, has endured and embraced. When I fancy, they all appear in orange.
BLACK- for Absence, Sullen, Hostile, Imperfection and *SIGH* Insufficiency.
Think of a black-mark placed against a person’s name for disapproval, or the black race which was unacceptable for the white Americans, or the absence of all the colors. Think of a person’s life completely black, for he is a lonely loner, imperfect for others to be with, too shy to ask for a shoulder to cry on and too harassed to let go and trust … paranoids, depressed, anguish, and gloomy. If you are in this category, others will try to edge you out of their sight without empathizing.
Add colors to your life. You are not only the ones with sad ends, everyone has got ups and down in their lives, some give up, some don’t even show up. Always try to make your life multicolor and bright. Learn to live in the current moment and make effective use of it. Remember, the time to make happiness, success, pleasure and joys is now, the time to let go bad memories and to cherish the good ones is now. Turn yourself around for the good flashes to come and be prepared for the worst as well. Besto Luck!
Posted in Uncategorized
Phew!!! Projects have almost ended; I can now say I’m free in the “authentic-sense” =P. Summer’s off days have finally started. I had a list of plans regarding things to be done in the summer holidays, but now it seems that they won’t be very special. Life seems so dark and motionless at times, I still have little hopes of seeing the brighter things in life. Thing I hate the most is wasting time doing nothing. Like everyone else, I do consider the significance of time and try my best to not to consume it scantily like a miser spending money in coins.
For this summer, I have made a so-called Resolution to strictly follow. It has list of important tasks which, I am eagerly and enthusiastically interested in. These tasks include reading of few good course books, general knowledge books, Novels and story books and few Islamic books- Dad’s surely going to freak out =D. He doesn’t like me sticking to books most of the times. According to him, ‘When you come home, you don’t give much time to family members’- so true! I’m afraid I can’t do anything about it for now, sorry paa =/. Well, apart from this, I’m going to go and join some art institution. Art attracts me a lot. I was so fond of painting and sketching in school and college. I still remember, the painting I made for the very first time was appreciated quite well among the majority. My aunty told me that I do have that Aesthetic sense of abstract and concrete art in me, naturally. So I’ll probably go for some painting, sketching and interior decoration side. That’s it, I ain’t gonna be monotonous this time! I’m planning to start writing regular diary too, which buddy gave me. I’m sure it’ll be a great friend. =)
My oh my, I’m acting like a school girl. I think it’s about time- I’ve realized that I love being like this, childlike… pure… and uncomplicated.
Since badminton is off the hook these days in my university, so I will practice it whole summer- yep! That’s the plan C. I have so many other things running on my mind. Will soon update about them =). I pray that I stick to my plans and do not show up as a careless freak =P. Wish me luck!
Posted in My own little WORLD, Personal
۔”اپنی انا اور نفس کو ایک انسان کے سامنے پامال کرنے کا نام عشق مجازی ہے اور اپنی انا اور نفس کو سب کے سامنے پامال کرنے کا نام عشق حقیقی ہے، اصل میں دونوں ایک ہیں۔ عشق حقیقی ایک درخت ہے اور عشق مجازی اسکی شاخ ہے”۔ ۔”جب انسان کا عشق لاحاصل رہتا ہے تو وہ دریا کو چھوڑ کر سمندر کا پیاسا بن جاتا ہے۔ چھوٹے راستے سے ہٹ کر بڑے …مدار کا مسافر بن جاتا ہے، اس کی طلب بدل جاتی ہے”۔ ۔۔اشفاق احمد
Posted in Love
Dear Blog,
How’s everything going at your end? What’s new with you? Just so barren you seem. Are you waiting for me to update you? Remember the time we spent together back then? I’m so Not-Updated like you too and I miss you real bad! It’s really awful that I kept myself off from few things including you. I’ve tried Facebooking, Orkuting and Forum surfing; tried other social networking stuff too, but none of them are good like you were, and none of them inspired me to love like you did. I guess you know what I’m trying to say. Can we get back together please? I’ve changed, promish.
Miss you!
Your Owner.
Posted in Emotions, University
I took this from A.D.’s blog. Filling it up is the best way to kill time for now as I’m sort of getting hell bored. Here’s Me-the-self-indulgent.
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
These spots were not here before =’( . Come on! It happens…aging!
2. How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?
3,475 Rs. I’m a hostelite , so no WHOA!
3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
Core
4. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
The list is empty. I’m rapid at getting calls.
5. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
What goes around comes around by Justin Timberlake
6. What are you wearing right now?
Shalwar Kameez
7. Do you label yourself?
Yeah … Dexter (I love it. I used to be like him in my childhood, well, except for having a superb lab like he has) Momo, Cat (One of my favorites), Momal( my dad calls me with this nick always, instead of my original name =p, iff he’s no angry =D!)
8. Name the brand of the shoes you currently bought?
Stylo
9. Bright or Dark Room?
Bright in the mornings, party times, evenings.. Dark only at the times when I finally make my mind up to doze off!
10. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
Talented sweet new buddy! Love her posts in a way or two!
11. What does your watch look like?
It’s an elegant watch with Silver and mauve color combination. My ex-class fellow gifted me on my birthday.
12. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Today is fourteen feb. So I was supposed to send Valentine’s message to my dear friends but I slept at 11 because I was hell tired. (This is how I spend my valentine’s day every year! =p) but who cares! In short I was sleeping =D.
13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
I just read it. It says “Nai, it’s okay!”
14. What’s a word that you say a lot?
Random words. They keep on changing. Can’t think of any at the moment.
15. Who told you he/she loved you last? (please exclude spouse , family, children)
Raziah- she called me to today to wish Valentine’s. That isn’t a new thing; she always winds up her calls with ‘Love-yous’.
16. Last furry thing you touched?
Of course! Paate khan( my bhaalu) , My furry Santa clause and “Koochie poochie” (Mama bear with her baby). Touched the three of them altogether while dusting my computer table today. =p
17. Favorite age you have been so far?
Time span between 17 to18. Oh, and also 16, as it was full of success. Can’t believe I’m finally getting out of sweet teenage this march =’(
18. What was the last thing you said to someone?
“Yes honey, “Another-Cinderella-story” and “Ratatouille” both are worth it! Must watch”- My answer to my roomie’s question a couple minutes ago.
19. The last song you listened to?
Tu he haqeeqat from “Tum mile” [Half] ; and Apologize – timbaland.
20. Where did you live in 1987?
Who knows how it’s like up there? I opened my eyes the first time in 1990.
21. Are you jealous of anyone?
I envy. Exceptions!!
22. Is anyone jealous of you?
Yes, I think so. I have this feeling.
23. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
Nothing- not even my glasses. Heya! Tomboy here =D.
24. What’s your favorite town/city?
Islamabad.
25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
Minister of Punjab Shabaz Shareef =p jokes apart. 3 months ago.
26. Can you change the oil on a car?
Naah!
27. Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
My first crush was Michael Jackson, he doesn’t exist now. So the last time I heard about him was *sniff sniff* =(
28. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
No, I’m just the thing.
29. What is your current desktop picture?
It’s a picture of an awesome gothic pale girl wearing all black. Portraying real meaning of being just Black!
30. Have you been burnt by love?
LOL- overcooked, blackened, blistered!!
. When you’re being extremely quiet, what does it mean?
It means either I’m depressed and not in a mood to talk to anyone OR I’m out!
31. What are you listening to right now?
“Dirty Diana- Michael Jackson!” (moments ago) Just switched to “Glamorous- Fergie feat Gwen Stefani”. It’s awesome.
32. Are you a big fan of thunderstorms?
They scare me. A lot!
33. Do you believe in perfect?
There’s no way one can be just perfect. I believe one’s excellence means one’s perfection.
34. Are you a jealous person?
I don’t know. At times I get this fuming feeling seeing. But that rarely happens.
35. What was the first thing you thought this morning?
Nooo… I want to miss another class of COA. But I was forced to get up! =D
36. What do you think about when you are falling asleep?
About the next day, provided I’m wide awake.
37. Are you satisfied with what you have in life?
Yes… Thanks to Allah!
38. Do people ever think that you’re either older or younger than you actually are?
No I don’t think they think about all this!
39. Do you think men truly understand women?
No. They don’t. A woman is complicated to figure out.
40. How about women understanding men?
They don’t understand men either. There are other important things to understand come on!
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