I just can’t express what I’m going through or how I’m feeling at the moment. This day was superb. It was indeed one of the best. I’m thankful to Almighty Allah. I  thought I would just ruin everything,  HE helped me out. 

Special Thanks to all these people.

Shan-e-Fatima, Nida baji, Salman Latif, Saad, Mehwish, Huma, Hajra(I owe you both-alot) , Sobia,  Anti nini (Thanks for telling me to change my content), cube(your sincere prayers), Zaaid Bhai and all those people including class fellows who specially prayed for me =)

I’m so grateful to you all. It was my very first time, and with your help and good wishes, I was able to present it well. =) Thanks again.(1.5 marks se kuch nai hota I’m contended =p)

Ya Allah! Tera shuker hey.

 

When you have an overflow of emotions, this is an excellent tool. Writing your emotions is a means of integrating and getting relief by emptying yourself which, I think; helps you in reducing your strain. It’s also a great way to learn more about yourself, because you can often see and understand better from the “outside” when you read what you’ve written. You actually get to know who you really are.

You can write whenever and wherever you want. It’s all about you when it comes up. There are no constraints, no enforcements, and no hectic rules. You write the best when your mind boosts you up to pen down your thoughts and feelings, so remember; you should not HOLDUP in this case because the content, then, doesn’t appear to be the same as it should have been.

Write down exactly what you think and feel. There is no need for enhancements, brain-storming or opinions of others. If you’re looking forward to judging yourself from your writings; you must write the things in the same exact way they are clicking your mind.

Write in a way that feels like it’s clearing out all your feelings. Write everything that is in your mind at the time you’re doing the exercise. Don’t censor anything. Feel free to write about all your feelings but don’t dare say aloud or share. There is no need to be cautious.

Read what you’ve written. This will increase your awareness of your true emotions and teach you to know what your feelings are telling you.

Become aware of your blind spots. Is there anything you’re writing surprising you? That’s where your blind spots are, and that’s where you need to learn to see. Don’t share writings or send letters you’ve written in anger. If you write thirty such letters, perhaps the last one might be the most appropriate one to mail.

Read your writing again and again-do it to check that you’ve done your best to release all your negative emotions. Remember that this restores your power over yourself.

                The more we write, the more we reduce strains in our minds. When those strains have flown away, we can see our lives more clearly. Sometimes, we literally need to “see our feelings” written on paper to make sense of them and also to figure out them in the best possible way. When we do so, our emotions no longer surprise and confuse us. You feel free.

Your feelings are smart they never lie. They always contain true information about yourself and your life. Let yourself be angry more often and write it out each time.  It’s important to make yourself realize that you write out each time to get rid of that anger.

Signed:  Ðêχţęŕ

Admit it; being left broken hearted is a bore. You end-up with a non-existent social life, no self-esteem… you go from “ love’s the best damn thing in the world” to “love sucks” in an instant. And to add insult to injury you’ve got that embarrassing problem of bursting into tears. Try to get over everything, get your life back and get happy again.

- don’t collapse. Try to be content, control your emotions and give him or her the hint that you have a life beyond them! And don’t forget to skip the “Why?” torture. Now isn’t the time to dig for reasons.

Deal with the shock- don’t bear the burden solo. You’ll need the support of your closest friends. Call them to come and boost your ego! Make a list of what wasn’t working in the relationship and work on those points for the future.

Realize he/she is not “the one”- fact the fact that it wasn’t a perfect match and start moving on. There is someone better out there right?

Get back out there- as the agony starts to subside it’s about time to use your new freedom. Start enjoying yourself. Spend your time with your friends who might have been previously neglected.

Signed:  Ðêχţęŕ

Almost a month and no post… I’m upset..!

It’s kind of hard to think–At least for me. I feel like writing. Again, this stipulation came right 5 days before mids. I’m going to have mid exams soon and seriously I’m not feeling like studying at the moment. Ok! I will open my Numerical method book right after uploading this post of mine. :p

Should I write about the minor quizzes and assignments which I don’t feel like studying for, just because THAT is beyond the understanding of an average student like me?

Should I write about how I feel now, I had promised myself that I would try my best to concentrate, focus and emphasize… and I’m really not doing what I’m supposed to do?

Or should I be talking about how I’m taking everything on my nerves now-a-days and just get freaked out so easily? On the other hand people think I’m happy these days. Well, it is weird because my days aren’t even particularly bad. They just seem right. I see all my good friends everyday, talk to them, laugh with them, join them when they mock at others (it isn’t right and seriously I don’t like it, but just for friendships’ sake)..! But that definitely does not mean that I’m truly happy, am far away from it. I don’t really remember what happiness is! What do I do then? Pretend to be in a state that I am not, only because they want me to stay all happy? When am I going to be able to just express what is inside me, without caring about whether the time is right for my friends or anyone to hear me or not?  When am I going to be able to scream out about all those little shattered pieces inside me?

Oh my… This is getting way too serious and intimidating. I’m changing it!

How about me talking about how much I miss my childhood days? That was the best time ever so far. I hear everyone missing their childhood memories, why does it happen to almost everyone?  I remember the Barbie wedding, her clothes stitched by me, inviting my friends on my doll’s wedding; my birthday parties, friends, relatives and all… I miss everything so badly.

Let’s just change this topic… should I write about my metric teachers who used to admire me so much? I can’t ever forget or disregard them.

Oh! What about sleep-time talkies..!! I have been having such a tough time waking up every morning for classes, which I am actually having to control my go-to-sleep times. I don’t have time to watch movies…but it certainly does not mean that I don’t waste time..(you know that I know exactly what you’re going to think right after reading the previous sentence, so I’m not going to mention it over here..) Ok I admit I waste time. I’m going to do something real serious about it, this instance.. and I mean it!

That’s it for now- stay classic! . =)

I’m just feeling so bad. Ten minutes before we got orders from the university administration that the university will remain closed till 24^th Oct, 09. =(

We got the new of blast in Islamic International University Islamabad few hours ago. Seven people, including two suicide bombers are dead, and 29 injured in the two attacks. Among the dead is one female.

I don’t understand what the terrorists want. Why are they doing like this. My heart cries out seeing Pakistan moving rapidly towards doom and destruction. Its image has been completely shattered. I really can’t express how I’m feeling right now.  Allah he humara haami-o-nasir ho. Ameen =’(

I’m just randomly writing this one in such a wretched mood. I used up the whole day yesterday preparing for the quiz. Regardless of all my stiff n firm efforts, I never make it up to 100 %. Just felt like being left alone right after the quiz.  When I finally reached my room, I dug through my desk until I found my headphones. I planned to listen to some good music so picked up Michael Jackson’s cd as he used a little too bass and shrieking for my taste. I put on the headphones; hit play, turned up the volume until it hurt my ear and popped into my place. I closed my eyes but light still intruded so covered ‘em with my right hand.

I started concentrating very carefully on the music trying to understand the lyrics, to unravel drum patterns. I kept on switching the songs. It really worked!! The shattering beats made it impossible for me to think- which was the whole purpose of the exercise. After sometime, I became conscious of my singing-along-with-the songs. I was so much indulged that I could clearly distinguish each beat of music in each song. Finally when I switched to this one “Ehsan tera hoga mujhper”  I loved it and especially when this part comes…

 

Tum ne mujhko hasna sikhaya

Rone to hongay ro leingay ab

Anso ka humare ghum na kero

Wo behtay hain to behne do

 

Chahe bena do chahe mita do

Mer bhi gaye to deingay duyaien

Urh urh k kahegee khak sanam

Ye dard-e-muhabbat sehne do..

 

Ehsan tera hoga mujhper

Dil chahta hai to kehen do

Mujhe tumse muhabbat ho gayi hai

Mujhe palkon ki chaown main rehne do.

 

“it made me sing too… I missed nana abu very much. I remember him listening to this track when I was little. ”

<It’s a song of 50s or 60s >

 

Second one I liked the most for today was Westlife’s “If I let you go”. Such a beautiful song!! Few others were, “ankhon k sagher” by fuzon, “kuch is tarah and pass aya kyu” by atif, and” ye dooriyan” by love aj kel.

I finally slept right after saying prayers. Opened my eyes to some familiar place. Aware in some corner of my consciousness that I was dreaming. I recognized the place where I was, it was my aunt’s place.. Well, I’m not going to share this dream because I’m not supposed to. It’s a bad one. Anyways as I woke up from this one, frightened, trembling.. I fell into sleep again. I saw me and mama in the next one, we both were boating on the slope of some dam in river Jhelum. I liked this one but I’ve been missing mama since the moment I realized that I saw her in my dream.

…. (I’m wordless) :-X

I made this rough card in a minimum duration of 10 minutes- =p

was running outta time! For my bro…

I’m such a loner…
I dont see anyone around me,
They say I’ve got lots of friends,
They don’t know about the reality,
I’m such a loser…
I couldn’t make it up to them,
Was too shy to ask,
Was too proud to lose,
I’m such a fool…
I should have anticipated,
Could have held myself at distance,
Wish I could. . .
I’m such a joker…
I make people laught,
I see them crying, cry with them,
When they laugh at me, laught with them too.
But.. I’m a good fellow…
… (My shades reflect through my creations).

I don’t understand the reason why I’ve started blogging about ‘me’. I think it’s because it doesn’t take much time in writing when it comes about just me, my life and of course my stuff- most probably! I just tap-tap on keyboard whatever comes into my mind. The social, official and formal type articles require thinking and meditation- in my case, which, I’m avoiding these days :p.

The past semester, I’d been in a sort of confusion or bewilderment, my thinking had some disorientation. Was just trying to figure out what was happening, who I was, who and what I have to become, who I had been,  had I been trying to change myself into something “better”?. I’ve been fighting with myself. It wasn’t the ‘real-me’, nor did my life seem real. You don’t enjoy living life when you’re fighting with yourself at the same time. My mind was puzzled.

Life really seemed like a drama in the past few months- some emotional or awful drama. I was so volatile, never even felt like listening to any lecture with concentration. I tried to force myself in making decision which were ‘right’ according to the outside world, still couldn’t figure out that something ‘wrong’ going inside me that time. I wasn’t me.

Finally at the end of that pathetic drama, I concluded that I would never ever try to bring a ‘change’ in myself for anyone. I was contended with what I was! The pure me in Convent, the confident one. The moment I started trying to be what the world thinks I should be, I lost myself on the way. The point here is, people for whom I was trying bring a change in myself never really understood who I was. This world stinks! The artificial life stinks! The change surely deteriorates one’s personality.

I’m back! Here I am, contended and happy once again. Life came back on those old tracks from the moment I stopped trying to be different, trying to be someone I was not! Even my friends and family could observe that. They told me that I hadn’t been ‘me’. I know there are probably a whole bunch of people who hate my guts and just don’t get the things I do. I’m happy with my parents, with friends and with relatives and that’s what matters the most now. It doesn’t mean the sad parts are over, there are few things I got to tackle out!

So what are the changes in this semester?

1. To be what I am. Won’t change myself for anything or anyone.
2. To trust my instincts, won’t listen to what the outside world barks about. After all, everyone has got the freedom of expression, so what, I’ve got the freedom too!

3.  My head knows me better than my heart. So, will listen to head! Heart is stupid!

4.  I have got the best friends in the whole world, who support me, cheer me up in the hard times. I really appreciate them telling me about the harsh truths related to me. Dears, you’re the best.

5.  To never let go off something, because it’s not worth it in someone else’s eyes. 

 I guess 5 points are enough for now! It’s getting late. I need some sleep, have to get up early at 4 in the morning.

Signed:  Ðêχţęŕ

 

“I would like to share with you my sincerest best wishes for the holy month of Ramadan. May God grant you health and prosperity now and in the years ahead.
May these days be filled with good health and happiness for you, your family and friends.
I wish you a blessed Ramadan.”

-Komal

Signed:  Ðêχţęŕ